Remember when Alex Rodriguez played for the Mariners? He was a 19-year-old, four-tooled upstart with a lovable baby face. Storming from the dugout in conjunction with names like Ken Griffey, Jr., Randy Johnson, Edgar Martinez and Jay Buhner, it seemed Rodriguez was unquestionably destined for stardom. This held true. Over 15 years, A-Rod became not only a household name among baseball’s patronage, but also set a course to surpass the game’s most revered milestone, the career home run mark. Now though, Rodriguez finds himself joining a roll that each season becomes less and less exclusive and ever darker; a roll that seems to have a way of attracting baseball’s biggest and brightest; crowning this black book is a one-word header: STEROIDS.
But this is a song and dance already gone out of style. Sure, it’s still all the rage among press, but that doesn’t mean it’s actually interesting. Personally, I’m glad that SI leaked Rodriguez’s “anonymous” 2003 urine test, but at this point, what’s left to talk about? A-Rod juiced, he’s blackballed from Cooperstown and poor New York gets to spend an entire season finding a way to cope with this horrible tragedy. The thought alone just tears my heart in two…
One of the more humorous tidbits to emerge from this most recent MLB abrasion is that A-Rod’s anabolic guilt is somehow a blow to a longstanding notion of hope that surrounded his record-breaking ascension. Something to the effect that, because Rodriguez had yet to be proven guilty of steroid abuse, his climb up the statistical charts would miraculously save the game’s credibility and supersede so many of the wrongs committed over the past two decades. Even Jayson Stark, one of my very favorite national columnists whose opinions I greatly respect, tried to sow this bleeding-heart line…
“Woe is baseball! Have we no savior? A-Rod was The One!”
My question to Jayson would be thus: We are talking about Alex Rodriguez, right? The same maligned pin-striper that’s been roundly booed across the league since he began shattering contractual records back in Texas? Muck like Barry Bonds, A-Rod has never quite figured out the art of wooing fandom given his penchant for looking like a fool and a jackass on and off the field. Whether it’s a bad sense of humor, bleaching the tips of his high-and-tight, pulling Bush League psych-outs on the field of play, taking continuous dumps in the playoffs, early mornings at strip joints, cheating on his wife, screwing Madonna—you name it; the guy’s just not likable. In many ways, I think he’s worse than Bonds, because at least Barry seemed to somewhat realize that he was an asshole. When he walked dongs halfway down the first base line, at least it was fresh in a way that challenged, “Do something.” A-Rod has none of that. His attempts at showboating are more like the guy who wants to be cool but for whatever reason never gets it. Think all the rumors about his never-to-be friendship with Derek Jeter are made up? Think Joe Torre came out and slandered him with the “A-Fraud” moniker for kicks? No way. The dude is a tool bag, and I guarantee you’d probably kick him out of your social group if given the chance.
Jayson Stark, however, did bring up an interesting point. 10 years from now, baseball’s all-time hits leader will not be in the Hall of Fame. Baseball’s all-time HR leader will not be in the Hall of Fame. The most statistically dominant pitcher of the live-ball era will not be in the Hall of Fame. The man who broke Roger Maris’ single season home run record will not be in the Hall of Fame. The man with the most 60 home run seasons will not be in the Hall of Fame.
With the exception of Pete Rose, I say this: Who cares? Yeah, it’s an embarrassment and a sad story, but so what? The last thing baseball and guys like Alex Rodriguez deserve is sympathy. They made these beds, and now they have to sleep in ‘em. If baseball was life and death and so hung a player’s existence in the Curse of Juice, I’d go easy. But it’s not life and death. Baseball is a game, these guys cheated, and cheaters when caught deserve to be punished. The boys can cry defamation and sob their heartiest tears, but I won’t blink one eye. These fucks are filthy ass rich, and don’t have to worry about anything for the rest of their greedy lives, which is a pretty fair consolation prize for having disgraced the game and lied to fans, I think. So let’s keep the wheels moving, because all this shit is boring and eventually the “steroid era” will be retired and gone. I don’t care who gets thrown under the bus along the way, whether the biggest star (Alex Rodriguez) or the biggest bum (Cody Ransom), so long as the bodies that pile up underneath create a mess gruesome enough to finally teach baseball a lesson.
Tags: a-rod, alex rodriguez, all the rage, baby face, barry bonds, baseball, blackballed, bleeding heart, distraction, Edgar Martinez, entire season, feb 16th, finding a way, fuck, hall of fame, heart line, home runs, horrible tragedy, household name, humorous tidbits, Ken Griffey Jr, lovable baby, madonna, media, MLB, money, national columnists, Randy Johnson, record, rich, Say Hey!: I'm So Bored With Alex Rodriguez, SI, sports illustrated, statistical charts, steroid abuse, steroids, urine test, v15i25, yankees
